When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
