OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
did you just send me my own nude
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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