It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
