his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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