Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
