just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
