he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
