Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
