Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
