needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
