I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
