Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
