we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
