first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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