The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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