Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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