this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
