I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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