ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Are we still banned from the library?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
