...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I intend to get homeless drunk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
