I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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