I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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