would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
