I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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