so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
