I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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