Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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