I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
