I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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