You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
