My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
