He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dick very happy bro
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize