Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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