Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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