Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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