It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
