I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Boobs speak an international language.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
