I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize