Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
