Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
