Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
