Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
