Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
