god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
