??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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