hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
