can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
