I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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