Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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