just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
