I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
