By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
His nipple licking is glorious
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
