So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
