Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
