I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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