I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize