mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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