I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
