He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
