Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
