Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
