The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Swine flu. Run for my life!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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