I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
