she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
