he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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