yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
third nipple confirmed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
