Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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